I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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