One girl and one boy is just not enough.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
