Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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