I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
