Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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