Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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