I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
