and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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