I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
