Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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