He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
