Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
