It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
