strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize