I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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