and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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