I'd wear matching sweaters with you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
