I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
