Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
