did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
