i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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