Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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