I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
