Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The Olympian is in my bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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