im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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