I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
