I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
