I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
