Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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