Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
