Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
