im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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