sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
