i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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