No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
