found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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