im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
