I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
