I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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