I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
