This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
