so that wasnt chicken after all
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize