I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
