standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
