now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
