Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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