i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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