No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
