my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
