The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
