Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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