First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
barbara walters just said penis...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize