My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
