Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize