He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
