So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
BRING THE BAGELS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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