we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
