Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
