the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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