i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
