Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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