If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
