My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
