4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
