I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
