Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
