Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
