I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me