Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.