watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.