we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.