he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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