I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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