at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
